Former San Diego Padres shortstop Khalil Greene was an exciting player to watch. The infielder played the game with a courage that most will never understand. In the end, Greene, who retired at the young age of 29, found the mental side of the game too much to overcome.

Social anxiety runs rampant in our society.

The demons that each of us potentially fights daily can easily grip hold and debilitate.

Life is difficult, no matter how you slice it.

Major League Baseball players are hardly immune to these emotions. Their professional careers depend on playing a game that can be maddening to their minds. Failing is part of the game of baseball. You will fail. You will lose. No matter what you do or who you are, there will be a point when the game humbles you. Baseball mirrors life in that aspect, and perhaps that is why the challenges of the game inspire so many.

For former San Diego Padres shortstop Khalil Greene, playing the game of baseball became very difficult at the end of his career. If not impossible.

I realize that may sound strange to some people, but it is true. Sadly, very true.

The Padres drafted the Clemson graduate in the first round of the 2002 MLB Draft after his excellent senior year, during which he produced a .470 average with 27 homers and 91 RBIs in 71 collegiate games. Throughout most of his life, the game of baseball provided joy to Greene. However, the glee eventually turned to anxiousness and painful thoughts.

That is a tragic fact.

Khalil Greene was always considered quiet and a bit of a recluse. But he managed to produce in the minors and kept grinding his way to the game’s top level. Players recognized his personality and, for the most part, let Greene be himself. He is an interesting guy, and most former players remember that about Greene. “I have nothing but fond memories of playing with him and knowing him,” Loretta told Rob Raines in his article about Greene.

Though he accomplished his ultimate goal of reaching the majors, towards the end of Khalil Greene’s career, playing the game he grew up loving was the most painful thing he could imagine doing. At 29, he walked away from baseball and the potential to make millions and millions of dollars. He simply turned his back on the game.

All efforts to contact Khalil Greene by EVT were unsuccessful, as the now 45-year-old has fallen off the face of the earth.

Well, for the most part.

Greene lives with his wife and two sons in Greer, South Carolina. He is far from baseball and reportedly not in contact with his former teammates or coaches. “He told me, ‘When I get done with baseball, you will probably never see me or hear of me again,’” Cardinals retired pitcher and former teammate Adam Wainwright explained in an interview about Greene in 2018.

Though he is out of sight, the infielder is undoubtedly on the minds of Padres fans and former players. “He was an interesting guy, for sure,” Mark Sweeney told EVT. Sweeney didn’t have a ton of interaction with the infielder but saw how vital he was for the Padres.

He made a lasting impression in his six years with the Friars. His diving stops at shortstop were something Padres fans had not seen since the days of Ozzie Smith. As Greene arrived at the major league level, he immediately made an impact on a Padres team that was struggling for an identity.

Greene played the game with passion, and that emotion was ultimately too difficult to handle. With the Padres, his mental battles were not as evident than at the tail end of his career when he was in St. Louis. “I never knew he was dealing with anything,” Brett Boone told EVT when contacted about his former teammate. Greene was intense in San Diego but did not let anyone in on his difficulties. He went out and produced, so most thought nothing was wrong. “He was quiet, but led on the field with his play,” Boone said.

Khalil Greene opened up in San Diego and found some comfort with his teammates. For a time, he was able to endure the pressures and have fun. While with the Padres, Greene wrote a rap song about the players on the Padres. “He performed it in front of us in the locker room in Arizona,” Loretta said. “I’ll never forget it. He mentioned a bunch of different players and coaches, and had a rhythm and beat to it. That kind of brought him out of his shell a little bit.”

“Sometimes it’s for you not to figure out, you’re not necessarily to know everything.”

-Khalil Greene

In late 2008, Greene signed a two-year, $11 million extension with the Padres. That seemed to put more pressure on the shortstop as he tried to justify that pay. He started the 2008 season very slowly and was hitting around .200 in July. After striking out in late July for the 100th time on the season, Greene went back to the dugout and punched a storage box. He broke his hand and missed the rest of the season.

After a disappointing 2008 season, the Padres traded Greene to the Cardinals for Mark Worrell and a PTBNL, which turned out to be Luke Gregerson. The team may have sensed that Greene was battling more than just baseball issues. Padres fans did not like this move. Greene was a special player, and most did not understand.

In St. Louis, the pressures of the game were really starting to get to him.

“He had some things he would do on and off the field,” Wainwright said in the same interview. “On the field, he would scrape his hands real hard on the clay and scratch himself. He would scratch his arms really badly with his fingernails. You could tell he was just battling so hard. He was really grinding mentally with the expectation to go out and get a hit every time. That can weigh on you,” Wainwright said. Those were signs that Greene was in trouble. At the time, Major League Baseball had no protocol to help a player displaying tendencies like this. Thankfully, times have changed as we recognize certain common disorders people battle on a daily basis.

In 2009, Greene admitted publicly that he was resorting to “self-abuse” when he did not perform well. He was cutting himself in “mental anguish.” The infielder took time away from the Cardinals and was placed on the disabled list with social anxiety disorder. Though he eventually returned to the team during the season, he did not play often. His passion for the game was gone.

The Cardinals released Greene after the season. He signed up to play with the Texas Rangers the next season and seemed excited about the opportunity, but he never made it out of spring training. He retired from the game in late February 2010 at the age of 29.

Khalil Greene is living his life. He is successful and has a loving family. Away from the pressures of the game is how he chooses to live. In a spring training interview in 2007, Greene spoke about his life: “I prefer to be anonymous,” he said in that interview. He cannot be contacted and doesn’t want to talk about the past. “It’s not possible. That is all I have heard,” Sweeney said about the chances of communicating with Greene.

Greene loved philosophy. He spoke about life with several teammates. “I don’t look at it as I’m unlucky or that this is unfortunate, I look at it as a test,” Greene was quoted as saying. “There are things that happen to you, whether it’s in your profession or outside of your profession. Things happen for a reason, and it’s not for me to analyze it and find out a reason why.”

We will never know why Khalil Greene battled through demons to play baseball. Greene is loved and will always have the support system of the fans and players who rooted for him in San Diego and St. Louis. We miss you, Khalil. We got your back.

*** If you are someone you know needs assistance. Please reach out. You are not alone.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.  1-800-662-HELP (4357).

James Clark

James was born and raised in America’s Finest City. He is a passionate baseball fan with even more passion towards his hometown Padres. James has written about the Padres and their prospects for over a decade. He also writes about San Diego State as well as other local sports. James is the Editor-In-Chief of EastVillageTimes.com. Always striving to bring you the highest quality in San Diego Sports News. Original content, with original ideas, that’s our motto. Enjoy.